I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
