My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
