I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
