It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The ass gains better be worth it
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