I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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