I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
