Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
