matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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