...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize