So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
