He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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