Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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