It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
