youre lurking in front of me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
