he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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