ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize