I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I FOUND THE LEGS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
