Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
