I bet he comes in French.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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