you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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