I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
