Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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