dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
