My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
