i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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