i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
