worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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