sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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