he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
