My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
