Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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