I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
