the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
