I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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