Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
