I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
