So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize