You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
