I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
