On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
