East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
