Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
