I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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