so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
