I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
