So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
