Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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