I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
