gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have aggressive nipples.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
