My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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