Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
