I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
