4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
two words...techno handjob
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
