I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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