hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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