it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
