Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
