I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
