Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
