I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
