So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
