i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize