so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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