I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my being single is dangerous.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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