Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
