I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
