I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
