You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
