please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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