Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
