My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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