I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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