Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
