woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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