I'm gonna have a badass scar
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
