What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
time to smoke my breakfast
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
