He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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